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OET (OET-LV) Until when_breathes the_day and_flee the_shadows turn be_like to/for_yourself(m)[fn][fn] beloved_of_my to_gazelle or like_young_deer_of the_stags on the_mountains_of ravine[s].
OET (OET-RV) Until the daylight arrives and the shadows flee, turn.
⇔ My dearest resembles a gazelle or a young stag on the rugged mountains.
Note 1 topic: figures-of-speech / parallelism
שֶׁיָּפ֨וּחַ֙ הַיּ֔וֹם וְנָ֖סוּ הַצְּלָלִ֑ים
when,breathes the=day and,flee the,shadows
The phrases the day breathes and the shadows flee mean basically the same thing. The second emphasizes the meaning of the first by repeating the same idea with different words. Hebrew poetry was based on this type of repetition, and it would be good to show this to your readers by including both phrases in your translation rather than combining them. Together, they both either refer to: (1) the evening time, when the evening breeze blows (breathes) and the shadows cast by the sun disappear (flee). Alternate translation: [the evening time when the breeze blows and the shadows cast by the sun disappear] or (2) the morning time, when the light from the sun dawns and the morning breeze blows (breathes). Alternate translation: [dawn tomorrow morning, when the darkness disappears]
Note 2 topic: figures-of-speech / ellipsis
וְנָ֖סוּ הַצְּלָלִ֑ים
and,flee the,shadows
Here the author is leaving out the word Until that in many languages this sentence would need in order to be complete. You could supply this word from earlier in the sentence if it would be clearer in your language. Alternate translation: [and until the shadows flee]
סֹב֩ דְּמֵה־לְךָ֨ דוֹדִ֜י
turn like to/for=yourself(m) beloved_of,my
Alternate translation: [turn; my beloved, and be like]
Note 3 topic: translate-unknown
לִצְבִ֗י
to,gazelle
See how you translated the plural form “gazelles” in [2:7](../02/07.md), and translate this word as the singular form of “gazelles.”
Note 4 topic: translate-transliterate
הָ֥רֵי בָֽתֶר
mountains_of cleft
The word Bether is a word borrowed from the Hebrew that means “cleft” or “divided.” You will need to decide if you will borrow it into your language or if you will translate the meaning. Either approach has broad support. Here it could: (1) be a proper name that refers to a specific place in Israel. If you choose this option, then in your translation you could spell it the way that it sounds in your language and then put the meaning in a footnote. (2) be a description of the mountains. Alternate translation: [the cleft mountains] or [the rugged mountains] or [the mountain gorges]
2:8-17 In this poem, the woman anticipates the arrival of her lover. She describes the passing of winter and the coming of spring, a time of floral fragrance and new beginnings. She and her lover are in their country garden, a place of intimacy, though even here there is a hint of threat (2:15).
OET (OET-LV) Until when_breathes the_day and_flee the_shadows turn be_like to/for_yourself(m)[fn][fn] beloved_of_my to_gazelle or like_young_deer_of the_stags on the_mountains_of ravine[s].
OET (OET-RV) Until the daylight arrives and the shadows flee, turn.
⇔ My dearest resembles a gazelle or a young stag on the rugged mountains.
Note: The OET-RV is still only a first draft, and so far only a few words have been (mostly automatically) matched to the Hebrew or Greek words that they’re translated from.
Acknowledgements: The Hebrew text, lemmas, and morphology are all thanks to the OSHB and some of the glosses are from Macula Hebrew.